Never been a fairytale but things happened once upon a time
Because once there was a time where my tears only spoke for me.
There were no words, though I was not mute.
I gasped for a language you did not speak.
When I realized no was not within my grasp and there was too much air before and after the word stop.
I longed for a home
The attack in your room I couldn’t escape the attack in a place called home
Familiar surroundings with strangers everywhere.
I filled my cup until it ran over.
It ran down my face turning into a babbling brook I needed to create.
Every time he entered my threshold.
Who was I sacrificing for?
Pleasure seeking left me barren
I watered my wasteland from one stream of tears that flowed into another.
The only fluid that drenched the landscape of the bedroom.
My self harm; represented with no visible scars.
Sacrificial intimacy on an altar that granted nothing in return.
The myre that walked into the dragon’s flames and I saw the fire in your eyes.
I saw your spirit rising
-readily rushing to conquer my barren land.
I saw my Phoenix dying
-when you said I was going to rise from the ashes of my desert wasteland.
Every time your body engulfed my lands in search of produce and pearls.
Every time I knew I had been there before.
On my stomach I stared at the floor.
How familiar the moment and the off -white carpet.
Beads of sweat landed on my back
You entered my lands
It felt like an attack.
Deep inside I cried.
Bombs went off as a genocide ran through my insides
But I heard That’s So Raven playing in the background
Or was it Lizzie McGuire
Why are theses the things I choose to inquire?
I never ask why I stared at the glow of the tv
As those sweat filled pores poured drops of you onto me.
I was too young to know the penetration of a man.
On that night it became familiar.
But they say pain is temporary and pride is forever, so I turned my pain into pleasure.
I still mistake sweat for tears used to water my lands.
I still think you want me to flourish.
I still look at your palm tree and see red stained hands.